Good Morning World, yes it is me again! The long lost soul back and ready for anything that this life might throw at her. Think this time off did me the world of good and given me some much needed time to reflect on what is truly precious and important in my life.

 

I have come to the realization that life does go on whether you want it to or not, whether you are going along for the ride or just standing next to the road, hoping to God that it will stop if you don’t get in.

 

I have learnt that reality isn’t actually as scary as I thought and that even though I never wanted to believe it … my true strength lies within! Within myself and within the wonderful people I surround myself with! It lies within the eyes of my beautiful “baby” boy whom everyday teach me more about life which I could never have imagined.

 

In my time away I have taken up things that make me truly happy and challenge me as a person and as an artist. I am still writing as you can see, but I have taken up photography again, which at this moment I really enjoy, seeing that each shoot is a challenge on its own. I will post a couple of this and that’s in time …..

 

But anyway, this was my hello and I am looking forward to see what all my dear friends has been up to the time I was away. Will pop by as soon as I can, but until then …..

 

Hello world, this soul is back again ….. ready and willing for anything life might bring!

 

I am no princess and there is no such thing as fairytales. Happily ever afters only exist on cold white pages concealing the true reality of what life is all about. Fictional words for those desperate enough to believe that within the ripples of these turbulent streams that there is something more than the hidden reflections of make believe.

 

Certain people are destined for certain things, whilst others foolishly put aside their hearts to the benefit of others. Smile, the world is watching as your head barely surfaces for some much needed air. Soaking in an icy bath, numb yourself, the pain will eventually subside. All this after all is hopefully going to fade with time. Memories will always remain. The touch, the kindness will never again be the same!

 

Hold on heart – just a little longer! Maybe in the end you will beat stronger, although I can feel the pieces crumbling through hands not big enough to conceal all the blood as everything you believed in falls apart. Brace yourself; this is the beginning of a lot of tears still to come. So no use wiping them off, let them be, they are going to be there till the end of eternity.

 

Please don’t try to fool me; I am doing a good enough job of that myself. Manipulating emotions, trying to tell my heart what to expect! Disappointment for me is nothing new to begin with and trust me I have had a few. Staring mow directly into the sun, hoping its rays would permanently blind the vision of you from my eyes.

 

Now standing here, empty, I am once again reminded of a dream haunting me for so long. All the sudden breaking sounds comes to life as I feel my wings finally snap and break under the weight of a troubled mind. Thorns tightening around my chest ripping through already scared flesh! Twisting and turning, the blood comes down streaming, as I am left with one hell of a empty space in my chest as the last haunting words appears before my eyes….

 

MAI ANCORA – MAI ANCORA

NEVER AGAIN

 

Never again will I put my heart to the test

Never again will I allow the others to see, the real person inside of me

 

NEVER AGAIN

World do you hear

MAI ANCORA

NEVER AGAIN!!!!

 

 

Shadows dancing on the walls

As the sun painfully breaks within her eyes

A clever once off disguise

In an attempt of sheltering her soul from all these lies

 

Taken all that she can take

She holds her heart very tight

Knowing that this time if she should let go

Her heart would forever grow cold

 

The sunset brings no comfort

As the flames reach towards the skies

Millions of stars suddenly died

In one solitary tear from her hope departed eyes

 

Scars from a life gone by

Could never once mute her now silent cries

As a hand stretched out is just short out of reach

There is no way for anyone this barrier to breach

 

Trust lost within vast endless plains

She lays her head down hoping this would be the last surprise

Never once did she think that the knife of deceit would be twisted in so many ways

By hands she once trusted whit her whole earthly life

 

Knowing now what she needs to do

Cut the cord and watch everything come down

As the last curtain falls

With no encore to cheer her on

 

She painfully admits defeat

Bow down and greet!

Know now that the last smile was just for you

As the last letter is etched upon her tomb  

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me

 

 

You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
You were always invincible in my eyes
the only thing against us now is time

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

I lie down and blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And now i wish that i could turn back the hours
But i know i just don't have the power

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if its your last, I know its your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone

Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever,baby
and I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands
It couldn't be any harder

 

(c) The Calling

 

 

Through vast endless plains she flees

A hurried pulse from the foot soldiers of her defeat

Following the echoes, once soundless now sweet

Soaring low, seeking unreachable peace

 

Cut throat pulses consumes the grinding of teeth

As bones cracks by the sounds filled with unsatisfying release

An angel of mercy, with a heart of stone

Never did the masses find the gratitude she needed to be shown

 

Vengeance now seeps through blood deprived veins

Whilst ignorance leads the blind closer to their graves

A pitiful demise, dropping the last of now crystallized cries

As once angel of mercy turns her back staring mercilessly at the skies

 

Like an old abandoned house, she sheds her clothes

Building and braking hands never once close to those filled with love

Rising to the heavens like a child wanting to fly

Tearing through winds, cold as the sky

 

Cautiously opening doors to a heart so black

Hoping that her dark prince would one day smile back

Innocent eyes had no idea that one moment of kindness

Could hold a lifetime of happiness to bear

 

Entering the chapel haunted by memories, like a portal of pulsing blood

Embracing the blazing stars, stopping time all over the world

Cradling the morning like no one ever could

Reawakening to the dream, seeing now the angel bursting from her seams

 

Grasping her heart, this prince from her dreams

Sealing the legend, entering through life’s turbulent streams

Softening once windows cold and hard

Summonsing a true and eternal heart!

 

(C) Fragile Soul AKA Me

I am migtier than any hand, yet powerless to any freewilled human mind....So how does one escape? Escape your soul? Just carry on!

 

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

(c) Goo Goo Dolls

 

Hello…

Is there anybody out there?

Anybody who is willing to hear

Just somebody…

Anyone…

Who could help me make this message clear

 

Hello…

This is your soul calling

I have been looking for you

Searching

Through the corridors of your mind

Endlessly – hopelessly

For quite a while

 

Hello…

I really think you should take this call

I am begging you please

Look at me

- Pleading - on bended knees

I have something you need to hear

Stop hiding within your fear

 

Hello…

Please don’t make me leave another message

Your mailbox is already full

And I am sorry to say

Time is slowly ticking down

Watch another minute fall

Whilst you ignore yet another call

 

Hello…

Can anybody help me please?

I really need to get through to her

Help her find release

Before she completely seize

Denying herself to breathe

 

Hello…

Dearest vessel of sorrow

I found a way to help you see

- The light-

You’ve been looking for

Spitefully

Concealed by others

Of a wonderful route…

a  path to a painless tomorrow

 

Hello…

If only she would take this call

 

H e l l o…

H e l l o o …

H e l l o o o …

 

Dammit,

Why doesn’t she want to listen to me?

… Can you perhaps help me…

… To make her see…

 

 

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me

 

What is the first thing that comes to mind when one mentions the word “baggage”?    The word itself could represent so many different things to a person.

It could mean a possible new beginning or just a exciting trip that you have been planning for months ...

 

However there is another type of baggage that has been bothering me lately and that is

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE

 

How many times have we put our lives on hold because of that?

How many times have we stood back, rather than taking that one giant leap of faith because of our own fears that no one could and would understand?

Maybe even hide rather than taking the chance that there actually may be someone who is prepared to take you with your baggage and love you regardless off.

 

I have been thinking about mine quite a lot lately and trust me there is a lot. Somehow I can’t think that anyone would willingly take on all that. Well I am sure nobody in their right mind would. Being a issue freak, I always tend to over think things, sometimes unnecessary pointless things but most of the times huge issues regarding personal responsibilities  

 

I would like to believe that one day it wouldn’t be a problem but sadly some “baggage” will never go away. Some things are in your life to stay, no matter what you do and finding a person who would be prepared to take on other people’s baggage and responsibilities seldom happens. Or maybe you do find that person who says he/she is ready for what ever may happen, only to end up as a disappointment to you. Knowing that their eagerness turned into nothing. Well nothing more than some false hopes and promises which you so keenly believed in …

 

And I guess so the cycle continues ….

Vicious, isn’t it?

"Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.” - Charlotte Bronte

 

If I should die before I wake, I pray to God

He knows where my soul to take

To the place my heart endlessly craves

Creating his happiness

As he selflessly created mine

 

My savior of a different kind

Deserving all the unimaginable delights

From the heavens right to the grave

The very best of both worlds

With just one blink of the eye

 

Finding peace knowing his angel is always nearby

Once broken, now soaring infinite skies

Grasping this new dawn with open hands

Holding him close against a body protected from all earthly lies

Whilst always faithfully keeping a watchful eye

 

Hoping he knows that there never again

Would be another reason cry

With soft angles wings carrying him home

Meticulously protecting a heart so pure

Ensuring him that he has found his place to shine    

 

Knowing that in the afterlife of all this demise

They would stand inseparable

Mightier than any human force

Forever sealing their long written fates

Proudly towering as the masters of the skies

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me

 

 

 

Something I could never understand is why does one’s misery never end? It just seems to keep on gnawing and gnawing on a person until in the end only the bones remains of a once supposed colourful life.

I find myself time and time again looking back, trying to figure out where this life of mine went completely off-track, only to my disappointment finding that even in my darkest of days, there still is no answers to find.

 

I am really trying so hard to convince myself that it would get better with time, but you know what I am tired of waiting. Seems like that is all I am doing lately, waiting … waiting and waiting some more and whilst I am busy waiting the demands just gets more and more.

 

I want ……

I need ……

Do this ….

Don’t do that …..

 

But what about me?

What about what I want?

What about what I need?

  

 

Seems like nothing I really cared about matters anymore, I am just a willing slave. The soulless idiot whom never will complain even knowing that her last bit of sanity is standing with its one foot in the grave. I am so annoyed, irritated with everything in my life, I feel like crying but that is an emotion I don’t express. It is nothing more than a sign of weakness and I know I am not weak, just tired.

(Ok so maybe that does come across as the same thing, but hey, let me have my own little fantasy)

 

I feel like screaming, actually no I feel like something else (those who knows will know) but I just can’t. I don’t have any strength left, I need to get out of this place … out of this life, while there still is something left of it.

 

Question is how?

Where to begin?

And most importantly will it ever end?

 

Hmmm …. I am not convinced

 

 

Take my hand and let’s go where the winter ends within these four candle lit walls, I invite you into my world once more. The soft music in the background, drowning all the outside noises completing our circle of eternal bliss. Let’s just celebrate the magical silence.

 

Nothing else exists. For one night, once again, we meet on common ground.  Seems like it was yesterday when we first met here and yet, it feels like a life time ago that you came here with me here. I would hold you in my arms while slowly moving to the rhythms of the soothing sounds playing in the background.

 

I will look you in your eyes, knowing that it is alright to stay. I want to hold you so tight that I’ll take all your pain away. With the stroke of my hands, I want to release you from all your troubles. Even if it is just for one day.  Let’s just stay here. We don’t have to talk at all. Just hold me close. Very close ‘cause I’m not ready to go outside again and I just realized that if I could reach into the evening sky and hold up a star for every time you made me smile… the entire universe would be in my hands.

You really brought a new meaning to my word.

 

For one night come blow me away. Be the light of my day. I’m standing on the edge and I don’t want to look back. Let us stand here, just staring at the valley below. Feeling the wind blowing viciously through our bodies. The freedom unspeakable. The sensations overwhelming. Just take my hand and stand here next to me. Let’s just admire the view form here. Forget everything that still has to be done. Let’s just take a second away from all our responsibilities.

 

Your hand on my back, the reassurance I needed to know that all is still alright. Let’s take it slow tonight. I only want you close to me. No talking please. I want you to close your eyes, your ears, your mind… don’t think of any of your troubles right now. Just concentrate on me. My hands. My arms. Holding you. Cradling you like a new born. Sheltering you from all that hurts. Feel all your worries melt way as softly I whisper in your ear ….

 

“Always remember that I am here”

 

Sweet scents of this dark descend

Wakes me desirous of watching the sunlight

Dancing playfully across your face

Whilst your heart is softly beating at a peaceful pace

Knowing right now your mind’s lingering

Within last night’s passionate embrace

 

Dreams of sensual kisses

Filled with crazy little wishes

As hands delicately explores

All the curves of a hot-blooded body

Able and more than willing

This moment, ours for the taking

 

Your presence, a heavenly surprise

As my stomach turns smothered within my great release  

Carefully tracing the outlines of your uniquely loving face

My dark prince, my saving grace

How could this mind ever erase

These wondrous emotions you‘ve brought to my life   

 

Beautiful is the day when two people rise

Following the sounds of hearts calling to be complete

Forever and always, our souls entwine

Knowing no other has made them feel so absolute

Sensing that behind those alluring eyes

Possibly lies a soulmate hidden deep inside

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me

 

 

My flesh ripped open, cut so deep
I watch the crimson fluid seep
Rush for help, needle and strings
Liquid syringe melts inside my skin
 
Feeling the numbness dispersed within
Book of crimes, endless files
Faded pages, stored archives
Silent whispers of concern
 
Broken shards piercing deep
A fading heart starts to weep
Disappointment written in the cards
Look at scars, presents from a friend
 
Search for restraints, but there are none
This hateful disturbance knows no end
Coldly chained, whilst night descends
Moon glow smiling, time has come again

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA  Me

 

 

Deep within the shadows

It lies, it waits

It wants to feed from your dying faith tonight

Ripped and exposed, bravery gone

Dignity falls to the cold hard floor

 

Torture from the past

The gas chamber of this heart

Loosing grip, tumbling far

Footing lost, grasping for breath

 Demonic hands, never erased

 

Bitter thoughts swallowing whole

Fetal extraction of cradled emotions

Thorns piercing dead cells, never again alive

Presence lost, turning to ghostly dust

Slowly vanishing from the eye

 

Hollow, inside out

Shattered cries, calls on times

Whilst blades of hope cuts on memories

Worst than the deed, needing to bleed

Poison needs to drain … one last time

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me

 

 

Through stone cold windows

Crystallized cries never pass the hopelessness

Of these merciless ruins of no compromise

Trapped within this deserted nowhere world, where the darkness

Holds her prisoner in some unspeakable place where no man rules

 

Broken angel, chained and bound to this lonely existence

That has after so many years grown cold  

While the ivory steps cleverly conceals the cracks

Through which she slipped, disappearing from all audible ears

To where she’s now ensnared with the noose tightening around her neck 

 

A knight so white could never save her from her fate

His amour’s far too weak for the deadly onslaught

Of these demonic forces keeping her back

Knowing that his steed could never make that leap

Into a terrifying realm, where even angels dare not to weep

 

Hands weak, she tugs at time eroded restraints

Blood stained, cutting to the bone, she prays

Knowing her dark prince would one day come

Dancing through the flames many didn’t survive

Sweeping her up on his magical dragon’s back

 

Wings wrecked she tires to stretch, reaching from the darkness

Needing his cold hand to bring her comforting warmth

Waiting for his righteous blade, to show her a kindness

Her heart’s being longing for, now laying on the floor

Hacking through the shackles, he would

 

Setting free the real angel within

Soaring free to greatest of heights, unexplored

With her darkened redeemer by her side

Knowing that the world could never again

Tie down two spirits now standing stronger than ever before

 

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me

 

I am falling

Falling straight into the arms

Where I know I belong to be

Playing games with you

And you,

Playing games with me

 

Here’s my hand

Don’t take it now

Come closer

Yet take two steps back

It is all part of the temptation

That keeps on luring us back

 

Back into the lair of no return

Where eyes never can hide

Feelings buried within

Building the ecstasy

See us testing the rules

Let’s break one now

 

Knowing the secret of the game

Is to see how long we can last

As it deepens in this realm

Where others fails to see

What’s really between you and me

 

The clock strikes

Morning rises

We patently wait for our hour of darkness

Belonging exclusively to us

Darkened prince, your angel waits

Within the salvation in which we

Found this darkened grace

 

Knowing all is fair in a world

Where we sit on top of our thrones

Smiting those whom shouldn’t be around

You and I, we are writers of our own destiny

Paging through a book, unwritten

 

We sit and wait

Side by side

To see what the future may hold

Seeing words unfold

As this grows

 

Feeding from the darkness

In which we thrive

Counting the days until the last nail disintegrate

Finally opening this tomb

Setting free

What’s really within you and me! 

 

(c) Fragile Soul AKA Me